OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
