i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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