dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
