he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
