I am puke
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
