Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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