He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
