Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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