I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
being pregnant is like rehab
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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