i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
