I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
