My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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