I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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