go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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