oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
