he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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