i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
