i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
