I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
