Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
