I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
