Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
