Don't you send me to vm
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
