I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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