in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
