So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
