Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
