well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The adults are the big ones right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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