Where is the hickey?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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