Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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