Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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