i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
