my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
