They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
