I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
