remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
