Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
