just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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