Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
