When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
