Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
