East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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