That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My hand turned me down
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
