Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize