Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
