oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
