its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
