i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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