I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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