I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
