yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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