Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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