Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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