i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
