Can i not drive my cunt home
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
