NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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