so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
