If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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