i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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