So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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