watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
