New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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