Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
