I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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