just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
