dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
